For Parents
For parents
Parent coaching is in truth another pathway into working on ourselves.
While it might seem counter-intuitive at first, the biggest obstacle we usually face to healthy and effective parenting is our own stuff.
From a place of calm tenderness, most parents know the basics of “what to do” (or perhaps more accurately, “how to do”) as parents. But our own reactivity often throws a filter across that inner sense of knowing, thus contributing to any difficulties encountered.
While children themselves throw up all sorts of challenges (sometimes literally), particularly with younger children, if we hold onto the idea that “every child is perfect,” as parents we are compelled to have a good look at what’s in the way of returning again and again to this truth. And “perfect” isn’t really accurate either, but it conveys the idea of never serving blame with our children and taking responsibility as parents.
From such a place of loving respectfulness, we can correct and address any difficulties showing up in children’s behaviour.
There is certainly nothing in this to say poor behaviour in all of its forms is tolerated, exempted or ignored. With specific challenges, there are tips and tricks I can point you towards that will help address many practical aspects of day-to-day parenting.
But the best thing is to develop an overall effective parenting mindset we can then operate from amid the challenges of everyday life.
When we ourselves as adults – as the parents, as the ones in charge – understand the fundamental fact that we are wholly responsible for our feelings and behaviour, we can then embody that in our parenting – not lecturing, not teaching, not enforcing anything, but modelling our own sense of wellness for the little sponges in our charge.
The simplest and most profound insight I can offer here is that we, as parents, have the opportunity to parent our children the way we wish we were parented ourselves.
Perhaps it seems too simple to be true, but the only thing we need as parents is to parent from love. And it really is as simple – and as difficult – as that.
Without becoming martyrs or running ourselves into the ground, always holding to this rule – “am I parenting from love?” or “how would I like to have been treated in this situation when I was a child?” – is true gold when it comes to healthy and happy relationships with our kids.
I’ve road-tested this approach myself over the course of more than 20 years raising five children who are now thriving teenagers and young adults, and I spent much of that time as a single parent so I know your struggles well.
If you’re interested in parent coaching as a one-off or regular service, please drop me a line so we can set up a 15-minute chat about the best way forward.